*Taking the Pressure off...*

           Well today is Valentine's Day so I pray if you're reading this that you have a wonderful day feeling loved not only by your husband but by your Heavenly Father. As I sit here I start to reflect on how much I have changed just by knowing how much God loves me. It has been something I have always known in my heart of course but sometimes as Children of God I think we need to get a true revelation of how much He does. If I could I would spend the entire day just sitting in His presence just letting Him love on me and Me love on Him. I truly believe the Lord loves those times of us Loving on Him too. It's not just a one way street.

          For the past couple of weeks the Lord has been teaching me about my love walk. So every night I try to meditate on the Love Chapter. I asked the Lord to show me ways I can love others the way that He loves. It has been so much easier for me in my job since I have realized that loving people despite their attitudes can change the outcome of any situation. In my heart I want to be one of those people who explodes with the Love of God for others. Which for those who know me best I am not much on telling people I love them because I am more of a giver. I guess you could say it's my love language. Whether it's time, gifts, or just doing something nice for someone it's just easier for me. Although there is nothing wrong with this the Lord has shown me that I have to be willing to let that vulnerable side show once in awhile. It's how people know you are real and can relate to you. I am still a work in progress but as Landon would say "We are Graced to run our race in this area of our lives too". Love that man so much.

     So still wondering about the adoption? We did have an appointment with Bethany on the 4th but the snow post poned it. To be honest we were actually relieved. Why you ask? Pastor Nate talked on Sunday about us being adopted as God's children. He continued on to say that God adopted us so He could love us and gives us a better life beyond our dreams. This made us realize a few things about our adoption process. We want to adopt to give a child a better chance at life. I think when we started this journey in our minds we thought we will finally be able to have a family. This became a real faith check for me because I still believe we will have biological children of our own now more than ever. God is no respector of persons so what He did for other woman in the bible and woman I know personally He will do for Me! Does this mean we don't want to adopt anymore? UM NO! Our process is just more focused on adopting through the state and not with a private agency at this time.

     As of right now this is where we will continue on until the Lord releases us otherwise. I say that because before we knew about the snow both of us had this uneasy feeling like the timing wasn't right it had nothing to do with the agency. We will use them someday if the Lord leads us back to adoption through an agency. So our home phone is being installed today and we will get our fire extinguisher then we should be ready for our home study which will take place in just a few weeks. Looking forward to continuing on this journey with the Peace that only God can give us. Praying for a child whose life we can change, love, and add to our little family of two.

                    Today I will remember Love is patient. Dear child your parents are here patiently awaiting your arrival........
                            

*Interview's to be continued..*

            I am sure you are wanting to know how the meetings went. Well sorry to tell you our meeting with Bethany had to be rescheduled due to the lovely snow. Yep! I know I can hear you all sighing..me to! I even cried a little because I was so excited to finally get to go after all this time. On a side note it was rescheduled to February 4th. Praise God! We don't have to wait a whole 6 more months. So again please keep us in your prayers on that day and thank you for your prayers on the other days. It blesses us so much to know you are all standing with us as we take each step further down this journey.  We did however have our first interview with the state. All she did was ask a few questions, had us sign some papers, and told us they would contact us in the next 45 days to schedule our homestudy.

            There are only a few things in our house we have to do in order to make our home ready for a child in the states eyes. We have to get a home phone, fire extinguisher, and put up a fire escape route on our fridge. I don't see how a baby would need a fire escape route but,  I have seen some pretty genius kids in my day. I know we have said we are waiting patiently for a little girl and I have been asked before why not a boy....Well the answer to that is we will be happy with whatever child God has in store for us Boy or Girl.

        We actually had this conversation last week about  getting a call for a little boy. Would we say no? The answer was pretty clear it would be YES in a heart beat! I am not limiting God. My vision for my life is His desires and honestly we just want a child. I don't want to be so closed minded that we miss the direction God is leading us in. Besides there are two rooms in my house one is done in all girl and the other can be turned into a little boys room in minutes. You will be happy to know that I don't have nearly as much stuff for a boy so no one can complain because they can't bless us with anything. I assure you though that my buying for boy things is about to get started so watch out Target and Kohl's I know how to find the good deals.

          I absolutely loved how Pastor Nate on vision Sunday posted the picture of the stars in the sky and asked can you see it? I could always see my little girls room and by the pictures I have shown it's exactly how I dreamed it would be. Now my vision has turned to my boys room. How do I see it? Oh the things my heart is starting to imagine for him. Looks like we will be having an Arkansas Razorback room full of footballs, basketballs, and baseballs. I have the bedding already too! I picked it out years ago and have kept it in a plastic cover all this time. I dugg it out just last week. Still smells like new! Anyway I will keep you posted on our meeting with Bethany on the 4th! If your reading feel free to drop me a comment. I know you are out there lurking....Be Blessed! :)

* It's Christmas Time in the Parker Home...*

         I know these are late but here is a few of my favorite things about decorating our house for Christmas!! So here is the age old question real or fake tree??? I go for fake all the way, less mess, and easy to decorate. Landon however chooses a real tree every year because of the smell. Seriously you pick a tree for that? I tried getting pine scented candles but he had to have the real deal. So to satisfy each of us I get a fake on in our room and he gets a real on for the living room. It works out great except I put all the best ornaments on my tree!! lol!!

Before:                      After: 

Here are a few pictures of some of my favorite ornaments and one special stocking that my lovely Mother-in-law had made for us. It was really special getting to hang this stocking on our mantle. It kept reminding us how faithful God is and that one day we will be filling it up with Christmas goodies for our new little one.



This is one of my favorite ornaments! I saw this in the store and snatched it up! I put my amazing dad's picture in it so that even though he is in Heaven I can be reminded of all the Christmas's we had together. I am thankful that I got to have him in my life as long as I did! He was a walking, talking,  miracle and gave all the Glory to God!



Smore's anyone? I started collecting these ornaments a few year's ago and now I can't stop. They have so many different ones to coose from. There is only one place I have found that sells them too and that is the Christmas store in Silver Dollar City!! So when we get a chance to go to Branson I always buy  a new one! Here is my newest one!! He's Fishing!!



Here is my most favorite thing of the year! My new stocking....



It's so sweet!! I almost cried when she gave it to me but I held it in! I am not one to show my emotions but I got teary eyed after she left. All in all it was a great Christmas and we were extremely blessed! Here is a picture of all our stockings on the mantle! We bought a matching one so our two kids will have matching stockings! They will always remind us to believe God in all things even when the situation seems impossible and trust me we have been told by many people it will be impossible for us to have a family! We will one day prove them wrong! Praise God!!

We haven't put the hooks in yet so we had to hang them on the snowmen! haha!!

*Oh Baby....*

        We finally made a decision regarding our adoption and I am sure you were all wondering. It's funny I know people want to know how things are going but it seems they are afraid to ask. I am here to say, Don't be Afraid!! I can't even began to describe how exciting this time in our life has been and we are just getting started it seems. It helps us to feel normal when we can talk about our journey to adopt.

 We decided that we are going with a Christian Adoption agency in Northwest Arkansas called Bethany. Last August we had already filled out our pre-liminary information and were invited a few months later to a meeting because we were approved. At the time we had started out adoption process through the state in hopes to adopt a child who needed a home through foster care. The only problem with that is after we finished the entire process they informed us that we would be waiting an extremely long time. The reason being is because we wanted a baby. I know there are a ton of older kids and if God leads us that way one day that would be great but we are new to this parenting thing plus we want to experience every stage of life.
     
  So basically we finished the program through the state but never heard back anything further since October. We never even met with an adoption specialist or had someone call us about coming out to meet with us to open our home. Well we missed the interview with Bethany but here is the cool part. I sent them an e-mail at the end of December asking is they were going to be having anymore meetings anytime soon but they let me know probably not until later next year. This is how cool God is. 

 On Tuesday my wonderful Husband celebrated his 26th birthday and I received an e-mail from Bethany asking if we could come to a meeting with them on January 21st!! Also get this yesterday I was contacted by the state asking to set up a meeting with us on January 13th! Are you kidding me??? We go from being frustrated and feeling like we are starting completely over to getting the privilage of meeting with two places that could bring a child to us. God is good!!  That is favor if I have ever seen it. The lady with the state did tell us to keep in mind we might be waiting awhile but she doesn't know Who my Daddy is!! The King of Kings and Lord of Lords! He will make it happen whether we go through Bethany or the state! 
  
   I know it's an emotional roller coaster but one well worth riding. I am sure I will be posting about both meetings so please keep us in your thoughts and prayers on those two days. Be Blessed!

*Promise I will.....

  I know I haven't blogged in a while but I have a good reason I promise... I have been busy, on vacation, and party planning away. I have a lot to blog about and pictures too!! That's exciting I usually never have pictures but I have to start getting camera happy!! We have a scrapbook to make people!! At least that's what we were told!! Keep checking back I should have a few new posts in the days to come!! :)

Tis the Season...

 I figured since I haven't posted in awhile I needed to get my writing on. There has been a whole lot going on at the Parker house the past couple of months. Just to give you a minor update we still have not heard anything further on our adoption process. Although we have really enjoyed the idea of adopting through the state we aren't so sure this is the route we are going to continue on. There has been several set backs some in which are completely out of our control.

 Let me just say as far as the program goes it is wonderful for couples who are wanting to foster but when it comes to adopting we aren't sure it's right for us. After talking to several other families and just by asking general questions things haven't turned out the way we imagined. Right now we are praying about other options such as using a Christian adoption agency in Fayetteville. I will keep you posted on what we decide. Either way God will bring our child to us.

 Well we finally got the trees decorated and the lights put on the house! Yay! Now if we could just get all the presents wrapped. I know in service my wonderful husband acted like he didn't enjoy watching Christmas movies with me but I beg to differ. Just the other day we watched a movie and wrapped presents. I even tried to do it when he wasn't home but he wouldn't let me.

 So this Friday I will be making 5 dozen cookies for a cookie exchange party I was invited to on Saturday. So I would just like to say I tried to get my cookies from Paul's but Sheena would not let me! If my cookies taste bad all I can say is "She made me do it!" She even helped me pick out the recipe. Hope everyone likes eggnog as much as we do! :)

 Landon experienced a first last week. Congratulations on making it through your first black Friday sale. He has never been shopping with me on this day ever! There were times when he would just go stand in line so that I could go grab all the things I needed. He would just stand there half asleep holding my place so we could check out. By the end of the night he turns to me in the sweetest way only to say " I will never go shopping with you ever again!" He was definately a trooper. He is in for some more shopping because we aren't even close to being done. We like prolonging our shopping. Every year we go out on a weekday to eat dinner and do some shopping. It seems so busy on the weekends that during the week we can look around and just enjoy time together. We even sneak in some hot chocolate. Well I will definately take some pictures of our house, trees, and cookies so that I can post them soon. Hope you have a very Merry Christmas!!

I need a moment.....

  This post is rather ugly. Just a warning. My flesh has been creeping up on me a whole lot this week. When I say a lot I mean an abundance. I have noticed that in order for me to deal with it sometimes I have to just lay it all out and walk away. My problem is simply this....I don't want to wait anymore!!  I want my daughter/son here in my arms. I want to finally be a family. I want to be normal. Fleshy huh? I know...I am sorry. 

    We have been on this journey to parent hood for a very long time. If it was up to us we would have had our family finished by now. Unfortunately things don't always turn out the way you plan. This is exactly when the flesh wants to rise up and the devil throws more thoughts my way. It's not easy this waiting and being patient. Last night Pastor Evan preached a message on having a vision set before you and not just my vision but God's vision for my life. I needed to hear that.

      For so long my vision has been to have a family. A family of my own. It was to be a mom and to take care of my family. It sounds silly but I dream of the day I can hang a stocking on the mantle that says Baby's First Christmas or an ornament on the tree that has the year they were born. I want to be a normal woman who talks about her kids in conversations instead of feeling awkward and out of place. I want my kids to grow up around our friends kids who are the same age instead of feeling like we are in different stages of life and have little in common. I want to actually take a family photo and not just have a picture of the two of us. Most importanly I want to hear the words "Mommy I love you" and feel complete.  Selfish I know....I told you this post was ugly....Forgive me.

           As happy as we are to adopt it still comes with it's ups and downs. Just like with infertility it is an emotional roller coaster. In both of these processes you have very little control on the outcome. This is not something that someone else can fix, make happen, or do for you. The whole journey takes every ounce of faith you have. I am not going to lie it's hard.

       After last nights service I knew my vision needed to change. I need to stop focusing on ways to do it in my own strength and get back to resting in His presence. That is where I will find the peace I so desperately need right now. Today in the midst of these feelings I am thankful for the plan He has for us. I don't know how or when  but I do know He will bring our children to us someday. So as the song goes " While I'm waiting, I will praise you while I'm waiting".... You know you want to sing along! Go ahead it will make you feel so much better!! I already do! :)